Finding My Wings

I am only just starting to find my wings. It hasn’t been easy. There have been a few times in my life when I have come close to finding my wings, but I never really started to fly.

I was a shy child. Highly imaginative and creative I was lost in my own world. Trying to make sense of the world seemed almost overwhelming at times.

I never really fit in at school. I had friends but I seemed to hang on the outskirts. Years later, I heard that I was labeled a misfit. I guess I was.

As a teenager, I was very moody. My mother used to push me to go out of the house. She was always trying to convince me to go to parties and socialize. I preferred to listen to old records in my room and write teenage poetry.

During my youth, there were a few wonderful women who helped me branch out. Although I don’t think I found my wings then, these women certainly helped in their growth.

The year level coordinator I had throughout high school encouraged me to be me. She was one of the first women who encouraged me to think and to research. She gave me my passion for history and for learning about the world around me.

The lovely ladies at the library where I worked taught me so many wonderful things. Most importantly, they taught me that it was ok to be a a little nerdy.

The closest I came to finding my wings came in my early 20s. I spent a yea living in Japan. During this time, I experimented and tried so many different things. Some great, some terrible. However I was still not completely happy.

The happiness I did find slowly got lost when I got home. There a few relationship break ups. There were arguments with my family. Worst of all the need to earn a living found me trying to conform to expectations.

Whose expectations?

In hindsight, they probably were conditions I placed on myself. Possibly perceptions of family expectations and society norms.

They didn’t work.

When my first son was born I hit rock bottom. I suffered from post-natal depression and my wings were truly clipped. I was so lost in expectations and ideas that I forgot who I was.

It is only now, 4 years later that I am taking time to find me again. I have started this blog and I have started painting, writing and creating again. I am slowly finding ways to make money doing the things I enjoy.

I feel that I am finally starting to live again. I am finding the joy in the world around me. Each day I stop to take in the little things around me. The flowers in the garden, the leaves falling to the ground, the graffiti on the walls, the toys left in funny places and all the little wonders of life.

I have started to explore. To visit new places and try new things. I couldn’t be happier.

And so, I am finding my wings. They are still growing. They have a long way to grow. But this time they will be big and they will stay.

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4 thoughts on “Finding My Wings

  1. Congratulations on finding your newest set of wings. I think we get many — some for a trial and then one set for keeps. I haven’t got my “for keeps” wings yet, but I hope I will someday.

    Your artwork is beautiful, and you are smart to indulge! Best wishes.

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